Skrillex- Bangarang

Bear with us here- to most this will sound like a load of old computer noise, or at best, Transformers having intergalactic bum sex. But we challenge anyone to slap this on and resist the urge to bury the right foot on an open road. It’s like having a futuristic soundtrack to your very own Pod Race. Awesome.

Morning Parade- Morning Parade

This brilliant new Indie band from Harlow, Kent are picking from where The Editors and Interpol left off with epic keys and even bigger choruses. Steve Sparrow’s vocals and lyrics are brilliant and the perfect backdrop to a country drive with equally epic scenery.

Tom Williams & The Boat- Teenage Blood

We’ve never come across this lot before but the brilliant mix of driving folk melodies and heart-breaking ditties provide an ace soundtrack to a rolling thump through winding B-roads. These guys have written tracks titled 90mph and Summer Drive… it must be good!

The Naked And Famous- Passive Me, Aggressive You

The single Young Blood was used in one of the most jaw-dropping segments of Red Bull’s new snowboarding movie The Art Of Flight. This album is the perfect accompaniment to anyone thinking of taking their driving to a new level. Take the ferry over to France, pop the CD on repeat, keep driving until you get to the Alps… perfect.

The Marangoni HFI-R is the latest project and not only has it had a rather Essex-y makeover, it has also been fitted with Hybrid Fuel Injection technology that boosts performance by 59bhp. That means the Evoque now kicks out a lip-smacking 300bhp with little in the way of air-polluting emissions. The thing drives like a beast possessed with the raised driving position making it pull, corner and cruise like a hyper-hatchback on stilts.

But it’s the styling tweaks that will really draw the crowds with this one.

The Titanium Fluid Metal paintjob is completely bespoke; door panels, bumpers and even the bonnet have been replaced and the interior is decked out in plush, quilted fabrics that have been crafted by Italian sartorial masters Conti. Oh, and it’s not pink, it’s ‘Ruby Red’ so there’s no way it can be labeled as ‘girly’.

The drive this time was just as simple as last year’s Alfa disaster. A quick rip out of central London to the outskirts of Bow and Bethnal Green. First impressions revealed that the Evoque is a lot wider than it gives off. Plenty of London drives not giving us enough room to pass, leading to the odd close shave with the carbon fibre wing mirrors. The slightly tweaked engine was a joy to drive though: plant the right foot and the heavy SUV really picks up pace as well as kicking out an enjoyable noise.

Check it out for yourself in the rather lovely slideshow below. I don’t know who the random lady is by the way…

The Nissan GT-R is a tarmac-devouring, supercar-beating slice of engineering genius that has petrol nuts around the world pinning up posters and courting thoughts of selling off the family home to own one. But now, Nissan has gone one step further and slapped all that’s great about the GT-R into their affordable, cheeky Juke- a sort of half 4X4, half hatchback crossover.The once tame 1.6 litre engine is replaced by a fire breathing 3.8 litre twin-turbo V6, the soft suspension swapped for rock hard and race-ready struts and the interior has had to be altered to make room for the numerous gauges and dials that come with a supercar like the GT-R.

Performance figures are utterly bum melting, and on a recent trip to Dubai the Juke GT-R clocked a 0-60mph time of just 3.7 seconds. The ugly little devil then went on to smash 160mph on the straights. Nissan have no real plans to put the Juke GT-R into production but with those sweet 20 inch Rays alloys, those performance figures and that exclusivity we’d put our entire family as well as the house up for sale to own one.

Time with the Moto Guzzi proved genuinely enjoyable but this wouldn’t be a true Italian bike without a few niggles. Firstly, the bike I had for a week or so didn’t like going into first gear when it was cold. Fire up the engine, slip your gear on and then expect to spend the next five minutes stamping on the gear lever in an attempt to set off. This could have been a problem with this particular press bike (journalists do like to rag these things!) but I experienced major problems with the standard V7 I tested previously- the alternator went and the bike completely stalled on the North Circular, forcing me and the girlfriend to dive in a horrible pub until the AA turned up.

But press releases and modern Moto Guzzi fans insist that since Piaggio took over, the quality of these machines has improved. I’m putting these problems down to both of these bikes being mistreated in the past. Never before have I had so many random conversations with people at traffic lights, and for that reason alone I would definitely buy one.

Check out the beautiful slideshow below from Doug Rimmington at Detune Photography

Luckily, the clever traction control kicked in just in time, ensuring the better half lived to see the sunny sights of Southwold. But that’s enough yapping, the car is truly amazing and so are these pictures from Mr Rimmington. Sit back, relax and drink in the lovely Porsche…

Paying more money for less is never a good idea but for some weird reason it makes sense in the motoring world. The new Club Racer is a super stripped-out racing machine that’s yours for a measly £27,500. For that wedge you’d expect a radio… well you don’t get one. Central locking is nowhere to be seen and your backside is treated to a blade of plastic with a small, foam matt super glued to it. But this car isn’t about fancy gizmos and luxury interiors; it’s about pure, unadulterated driving thrills.

The frugal but punchy 1.6 litre engine rockets this roller skate to 60mph in a very pleasing 6.5 seconds and when you’re at that speed, this thing will happily tackle even the slipperiest corners with ease. The only downside is that acceleration isn’t really enough to pass Sunday traffic, we wished it had a little more punch to get us out of the way of the biddies. Our test model came in a very cool Man City Sky Blue with neat black alloys, a much nicer hue than the classic Canary Yellow and one that definitely grabbed the attention of passers-by.

The lack of soundproofing and updated engine sounds great, far better than any Elise we’ve previously driven, but the major upshot is the awesome 46 miles per gallon this eco warrior returns. It’s an awesome weekend roadster but don’t expect your missus to join you, it’s far too uncomfortable for that.

“It’s all about being smooth and controlled”, explains Rob as we take our first sighting lap around the particularly quick course. “If you can memorise the track and brake later than anyone else, you’ve pretty much got it sewn up”. Poor driving skills aside, the Chevrolet is standing its ground on the blacktop, with only a hefty turbo lag and the odd bit of understeer getting in the way of good lap times.

The Cruze we are in is a few steps down from Rob’s four-wheel-drive, turbocharged, World Touring car that features a sequential shifter and is capable of sub 5-second 0-60 times- but that’s not stopping him for tearing up the track. Rob posted a ludicrously quick 1-minute 40-something seconds time around Bedford’s West Circuit, beating me by a depressing ten seconds and giving the more powerful Golf GTI’s and Seat Leon’s a run for their money.

But what about the car? There’s nothing too much to shout about really. The steering is fairly light and numb on the track surface, the automatic box takes an age to downshift when you boot the accelerator and the 163bhp 2-litre turbo diesel engine lacks the poke to really compete. But let’s be honest, the Chevrolet Cruze isn’t designed for the track, it’s designed to attract customers away from a Ford Focus. Although it may not achieve a mass migration just yet, it has done a mighty fine job in the styling department. It looks great, features a massive boot and comes equipped with enough gadgets as standard to keep wandering hands happy.

Footballers aren’t content with spending thousands of their not-so hard earned cash on flash new motors, so instead they heap more dollar personalising, styling and pimping their cars to lavish levels. The latest beast to roll out of Azfal Khan’s glorious factory is the Range Rover RS300, sporting a lower front bumper, rubber side steps and tasty quad exhaust pipes. Absolutely nothing has been done to this particular, stunning white  model’s engine (you can get it boosted by Cosworth if you’re feeling particularly limp-cocked) so this is an exercise in pure vanity and it works a treat. Upon taking this hulking beast for a quick blast down to Kent from East London, we inevitably got stuck in awful traffic on the crawling A12. This led to other drivers risking a dangerous undertaking manoeuver just to get a glimpse of who was behind the wheel (unlucky for them, it was just a very smug yours truly). Heading into the leafy Kent countryside was just as bad as local dog walkers stopped at the side of the road and fellow un-pimped Range drivers sobbed into their steering wheels like a child having a tantrum on Christmas day because their little brother got a BMX and they got a carrot.

The Range Rover RS300 can be purchased as seen from Kahn’s very attractive showroom in Mayfair or you can put an order in and go mad with the optional extras. Lavish leather upholstery, striking interior colours and even a fancy steering wheel that Afzal Kahn has made with his very own hands.

They cost a pretty penny at around £80,000 and upwards but come on, who doesn’t want to feel like a footballer every now and then… no one? Ok.

The Alpinestars Monza 1 Piece Racing suit (£599.95) www.alpinestars.com

Because it makes me look like the fucking Stig but a leather version. Like a Stig who just killed a cow with his bare fists, skinned it and then rode off into the sunset like the bad mother fucker he is.

Alpinestars S-MX 5 Boots (£149.95) www.alpinestars.com

Because they are the sort of boots a Storm Trooper would wear on a night out. They provide the support on the ankle for when he puts down his laser gun and starts break dancing. But they also have a hefty toe cap so he can kick some Luke Skywalker pricks in the balls if it all boots off.

Alpinestars SP1 Gloves (£99.95) www.alpinestars.com

They’ve got carbon fibre knuckle covers, do I need to say more? They are basically the Chuck Norris of the glove world. If you come off in these, the road physically walks away because it doesn’t want to feel the brunt of a carbon fibre knuckle sandwich!

The seat design is genius and rather than your poor passenger being perched on a patch of cow skin, they have a nice, flat surface to enjoy. The seat and riding position alone transform this from a fiery track day predator to a user-friendly tourer. But the best bit is the high-reving engine hasn’t lost much of its poke. Wind the throttle back and the delivery is smooth, pulling all the way through the rev range.

Honda’s new line of engines are also magnificently frugle on the fuel side of things. A full tank last me an entire weekends worth of testing, covering well in excess of 200 miles. It urinates all over my thristy R6!

Chuck in the almost bombproof engine and you have the perfect bike for those who like a sharp adrenaline blast on their daily commute.